Insects and Food

Do Mix

Jill Darling Scientists, experts, gurus, quacks (pick one) have discovered that insects are loaded with protein and may be just the thing lacking in our diet. A lowly link in the food chain that we've written off is actually the best thing for us. The answer to getting more protein in our diet with nary a calorie is swarming around us, and absolutely free. How could we be so blind. Look what we've been missing, folks!

New cookbooks are out with recipes to tantalize the palate: Creepy Crawly Brownies--the secret ingredient, termites; Mosquito Macaroni Salad; and Crunchy Beetle Egg Rolls. A-h-h! Give me a cup of Centipede Soup with Aphid Bread as an appetizer, Sloppy Slug Joe's, and Waspy Waldorf Salad topped off with Grasshopper Pie, prepared with all natural ingredients of course. M-m-m-m---now we're really eating healthy.

No longer will servers hear complaints like, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." But patrons will order "soup-of-the-day with extra flies, please." And look at all the money we'll save on food we used to have to throw out. Now when flour, cereal, or crackers become bug-infested, rejoice! They've reached the peak of perfection. Southern chefs will have to develop a whole new way of cooking: Southern Fried Cockroaches, Ticks 'n' Grits, Collard Greens and Katydids, Cricket Cornbread, and Peach Pie a la Moth. No longer do you need fly swatters, citronella candles, bug zappers or exterminators. No more embarrassment at picnics when flies, gnats, or ants arrive. They are now honored guests, not pests. The next time ladybugs dive into your lemonade and do the backstroke, it's bottoms-up. When an army of ants attack your chocolate cake, let 'em have at it and just chew, chew, chew. When fruit flies hold their annual convention on your freshly sliced watermelon, take them on a free tour of your alimentary canal. The benefits are all yours.

We've looked upon these creepy critters with disgust and, according to experts, it's time for us to change. Entrepreneurs will go crazy! Just imagine the new restaurants: Long John Slithers, specializing in fish, along with the worms used to catch them. And how about Pizza Hive, featuring pizza with extra bees, ant-chovies and saus-slugs? The only foreseeable problem that could terminate termite eating and other buggy delectables would be for animal rights activists to get in on the act.

Can of worms, anyone?