By Terry J. Ward

I'll tell you right now that I'm not altogether sure that this column has a point to it. But I know that it's an important thought, so I'm going to throw it out for your consideration. I know that this will sound a bit rambling and incoherent, but, then, I don't think you should be too surprised about that if you've ever read my column before. In fact, I think it's sort of expected from me - stream of consciousness is what I do best (it sounds so intellectual, but really it's just called lazy journalism).

It just so happens that I was called upon to kick some teenaged butt in my household this week, not literally, but I'm sure you get the idea...and in the inevitable round of reasonable (yes, if you doubt, I am being sarcastic when I say that) discussion that followed, my son questioned my parenting abilities. I had to remind him with all the finesse that only a parent who has argued this same argument numerous times can muster, that I did not receive an owner's manual when I became a parent, and that my high quality parenting skills were largely the result of blindly groping for what I hoped was the right course of action. (I've also been a parent for enough years, not to mention having gone through two other teenaged sons, that I mentioned that it was really too bad if he didn't like my decision, but that it would stand, ignorant or not.)

So far, so good. Here's where it gets confusing. Mix this little incident with my adorable son, with a fragment that I viewed on TV this week. I'm not even sure what show it was on, I only caught a glimpse of it, but for some reason it really stuck with me. A girl was desperately going after some man that she didn't even know to have a relationship with him. The reason for her actions was that all the other men in her life that were supposed to be there for her had failed in some very big ways.

Now when these two ideas began to sort of gel together in my head, I wasn't really sure what the connection was, and then it became a bit clearer. (I won't take you through the circuitous route that took, but, hopefully, I can convey the end result with some clarity.)

I grew up in the age of the "Superwoman." Since I've been alive, women have had choices, lots of them, and a lot of expectations. I've grown older seeing the battles for "Women's Lib," and then seeing the battles between working women and stay-at-home women, and I've even seen a bit of acceptance between both camps. I've had some very confusing expectations defined for me by society. Now there are going to be some of you that are really turned off by what I'm going to say next, but, hey, this is my reality we're talking about here. Fortunately for me, there's a little section in the Bible that talks about women and their roles in the family. It's in Proverbs if you ever get the urge. That section talks about a woman who is working, intelligent, and caring. It's an owner's manual, and for me, at least, it helps to sort out the confusion and the guilt that I think almost all women these days live with.

Did you ever notice that men don't have that same option? I've read the Bible through more than once and I've yet to see any section that deals with a man's role in the family so succinctly. Yet, look at the expectations that are placed upon men in society. You can say what you want about equality, and certainly if you're a woman, you know that that is a myth in our world, but remember, men are dealing with their own brand of inequality. I know that it's politically incorrect to stick up for men - after all, the sad fact is that men are often abusive and they don't act with love towards their families. But can you imagine how really deep down scared men must be? Think of it, competition, aggression, is programmed into their very biology, and they live in a society that expects them to be cutthroat businessmen (Much more difficult, might I add, than tracking down wild animals for food like in the old days.), and then doing a one-eighty when they come home and being Mr. Caring and Sharing (Not to mention, communicating on a plane that makes sense to their wives - that Mars/Venus thing.) Putting aside all the political right or wrong, I'm raising four sons. I don't want them to be scared of all the expectations that they're faced with. I want them to have some sort of owner's manual that they can point to and say, "Oh, OK, I guess I must be doing all right," whenever society gangs up on them.

Well, here we are at the end. I told you it was just a thought. I don't have a solution. But maybe, we should think about it a little more.

Oh, and by the way. First day of Spring - it's Crazy Sharon's (really, I never call her that!) birthday. She mentioned - several times - that she likes cut flowers. Thanks, Mom. For everything. I love you.