Car Keys
by R. Craig

 The other day I was reading an automotive publication on the new 2005 models to see what changes are coming and what new models will look like. Some had minor cosmetic changes and others are new from the ground up. Then a thought came to mind, who gets to name the new models? Somebody gets paid to name the new models and let's face it, some of the names fit well and others do not. 
 For example, we have the Ford Explorer "Eddie Bauer" edition. Quite frankly, I have no idea who Eddie Bauer is. I figure if his name is on it, he should help pay for it. 

 They stopped making the Chrysler New Yorker. They must have thought the name made the taxes go up on it.  How about Geo? Kind of a wimpy name for a carline, although they are good vehicles. 

 Over the years there seems to be trends for naming cars. For a while it was astronomy names such as Galaxy, Satellite, Comet, Nova, Meteor, Starfire and so on. 

 And of course birds and other animals are popular such as Mustang, Colt, Bronco, Falcon, Eagle, Firebird, Sunbird, Skyhawk, etc.

 All of the upscale car manufacturers had the right idea. They used numbers instead of names to identify their models. Mercedes E-Class, Saab 9000, Lexus ES400. If you spend $40,000 on a new car, do you want it to be named after a bird? I won't be surprised if someone comes out with a tiny, economy car called the Chickadee or something like that. 

 How many of you know someone who has a name for their car or truck? I know quite a few. Some examples are  Tin Lizzy, Tin Man, Betsy, Rosie, Rocky, The Blue Goose, just to name a few. If you don't like the name of your car, personalize it and give it your own name. I see a lot of pickups on the road with names on the bug deflectors. 

 Maybe someone should suggest to the automakers to name vehicles after the type who buy them. For example, how about a pickup called RidgeRunner complete with a gun rack and a chewing tobacco spit can on the dash. CB radio  standard  equipment. Camouflage seat covers and straight pipes optional. 

 Then  there's the Rap Rod. Three  million watts of stereo power with enough woofers and bass to vibrate the guardrails as you drive down the road. 

 Or maybe a car called the Teenager. It comes complete with 50 mph bumpers and air bags and the dash, the roof, the back seat, the trunk, and anywhere else they might possibly hit something. 

 Okay, I'm not being realistic but I still want to know where they come up with some of these names. There is a huge four wheel drive vehicle used by the U.S Army and now sold to the public and they call it ……Hummer?   I think I will name my old pickup truck Timex. It takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. Better yet I should call it Boomer, because that's what's going to happen to it if I don't maintain it better!

 Hmmmm . . . maybe a new Ridge Runner? . . . Naaah!