Apalachin Community Press, August 1999

Mom's Wit

Westward, Ho!

by Janet H. Brown

My daughter and I woke up early, catching the sun as it came up over the horizon. We were excited about our vacation. Leaving my husband and son behind, we were going a relaxing trip with my brother and his family and two friends. Arriving at their house, we were greeted by seven people - four adults and three children - and we all reviewed the map and instructions for driving west to Ohio. We were going to Sea World!

My brother had everything figured out, so he thought. There were three cars and three drivers, so we had to figure out who was driving with whom. And we had to pack the luggage and the coolers with drinks and snack food. My brother hates to wait. He's always in a hurry to get there and once there, is always in a hurry to leave! I like to keep a sense of humor about things, but he is very serious and I didn't dare laugh.

Our convoy was finally ready to roll. My brother was the leader, I was in the middle car, and our friends brought up the rear. My brother travels fast and you had better keep up with him! We had a set of small, two-way radios and used them to talk to each other on the road. This came in handy to keep the children amused as they played the license plate game and the games my brother made up.

After we had been on the road for a few hours, I pleaded with my brother for a much needed potty break. As we neared the rest area, he ordered us via the two-way radio to "Do your business and let's go." We parked at the rest area, flew out of the cars, and scurried into the restrooms to "do our business" as directed. Upon completing our business, we scurried back out again. The children wanted to go in different cars, but my brother wanted everyone to stay where they were before because it worked so well thus far. I'll tell you, my enthusiasm for this trip was beginning to dwindle.

We were allowed one more stop before getting into heavy traffic and I could see that my brother was still in a hurry. This meant that we had to eat on the run. We grabbed sandwiches and snacks from the coolers and ate them in the car, while traveling. We were westward bound and nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to stop us. The commandant - uh, I mean my brother - made sure of that.

We made it to the motel (a big sigh of relief) but our rooms weren't ready. It would be another 20 minutes before we could go in and drop off our luggage and do some sightseeing. And where was my brother? He was talking to the maid as she was finishing the room. Where did he put his luggage? Oh, on the bed, so we did the same. Then we followed our leader to the cars and set off to see Cleveland's Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.

"Wait, I need a potty break," I said.

I overheard my brother complain to his wife, "She isn't going to do this all the time, is she?"

Oh, brother! And I mean, Oh, brother! This time I did laugh. And everyone joined me in the laughter. I knew then it would be a great vacation after all!